Santa Clarita Diet Starters

Change pronouns as desired
"No matter what, we fuck stuff up together"
"You know what you're good at? Being my bitch, because that's what you are."
"I fucking love kites, in the fucking sky with all the fucking clouds"
"Negotiations went down so I just hit him on the head with the shovel"
"Are you high?"
"I love coffee, I mean think about it, it's a bean that you drink"
"You've killed twice as many people as I have"
"Take it from me, I was a monster in elementary school."
"Suck my fucking dick"
"Men can kill too"
"Did you also kill the man in our downstairs freezer?"
"We've already established that we aren't considerate people"
"Fucking dogs. They're the greatest."
"I made killing seem normal but it's so not normal."
"You never know when your neighbor will kill you with a shovel"
"Hey murderers let's go to the beach"
"We are such assholes"
"We've made a lot of mistakes as parents but we've never taken our kid to a murder. I think we should hold firm on that."
"I'm so sorry, but I don't give a fuck about your problems"
"I'm so glad we were going to stab you in the brain, we have so much in common"
"Sure, I did karate as a kid"
"We've met twice and both times I was trying to kill you."
"1.. 2.. and I'll just put it right here. That's good."
"It wasn't easy. I puked twice. Also I think we should throw out the pasta maker."
"What's with the door, man? You totally fucked up our door!"
"We have to kill him we have no other choice"
"At least we'll die together"
"Maybe I'll just have sex with my socks on"
"Get ready to have the opposite of what a boner is"
"The fuck is that?"
"You don't have to sexualize everything"
"Hey, it can happen to any-- well, anybody is probably too broad of a category when talking about murdering someone with a shovel."
"I refused to be defined by the one time I murdered someone."
"He kept pushing me and pushing me and I just snapped"
"The secret is I don't give a shit"
"Check it out, I got a churro saber"
"Nice job blending in you handsome good-haired son of a bitch"
"What are you saying, you're dying?"
"Maybe we're both different people now"
"Kanye says never to apologize for your creative choices."
"I get to make an elderly woman throw up in a bucket which might be somebody's turn on but it's not my thing."
"You attacked me for not being emotionally available, imagine what you'd do to a cop!"
"I've know you what, five minutes? and already I'd rather have you kill me"